Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

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I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

007 First Light Trailer Reveals The First-Ever James Bond Origin Story - GameSpot

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

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It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t cotton to rapists

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When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know who the president of Turkey really is

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

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I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

How or what is the best way to make a hot rail device? Anddd goooo 👀👀

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I actually pay taxes

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I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I have a reading level above third grade

What one thing makes someone a very mature person?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Can a cop pull you over walking home asking why you are out so late?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I see through liars

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

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I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I can read

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I can count

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

If someone works for me, I actually pay them